SEPTEMBER, 2005 Volume 1, Number 2   Living life with meaning and purpose is primarily an inside job.    Rosemarie Manes Learning how to control my shadow(s) is an opportunity to grow into the authentic me.    Rosemarie Manes Introduction The purpose of this newsletter is to increase your awareness as to how we can undermine the best that we can be. It offers examples of how two of my coaching clients are learning to control their shadow side while working toward living the life our creator has meant them to live. My newsletters are under 550 words and packed with ideas and suggestions that won't take more than a few minutes to read. Also, if you have any questions or comments, don't hesitate to respond. Please, forward the newsletter to anyone whom you think may benefit from its content. As always, your e-mail address is kept confidential. If you want a New Horizon’s professional coaching brochure and/or are interested in a free initial 30-minute over the phone coaching session, contact Ms. Manes at your earliest convenience. Coaching is done over the phone or in person. Therefore, geographic location is not a problem as I service clients from all over the USA. SO WHO’S TALKING NOW? OR ARE YOUR SHADOWS CONTROLLING YOU? Have you ever decided to pursue your professional and/or personal dreams, such as going on a romantic vacation to an exotic Greek Island, starting a business or family, perhaps embarking on a new career, or wanting to climb the ladder of success in your chosen field? Have you found when you begin to implement your plans somehow and without your fully understanding why, your energy and enthusiasm is drained from you like a sieve and thoughts of continuing your pursuits come to a screeching halt? What started out to be a wonderful and exciting endeavor has become a dread that fills you with emptiness. My question to you is, when the voice of self-doubt shows up, Who’s Talking Now? The negative self-talk that goes on in your head are shady character(s) that come from the shadow side of your nature. Become a keen observer of what goes through your mind, and in time you will decide what thoughts to keep and which ones to toss aside like loose change. I encourage you to envision your destructive thoughts as possessing ugly shapes, distorted sizes, offensive textures, sickening smells, outrageous colors, a vicious animal or a deceptive or whimpering human, etc. Once you have given it shape and substance, listen carefully to its destructive words. A coaching client gave me permission to quote him and for confidentiality reasons I’ll call him Carl. Carl became aware of how easily he would get broadsided by two of his shadows. The Green Eyed Fear Maker undermined him whenever he wanted to venture outside of his comfort zone. With fanged teeth she shrieked, “Don’t try, that way you won’t fail and you won’t fail others.” Then, Condescending General Perfect shows up clutching a rifle and bellowing, “You can’t do anything right.” The shadow side can be very attractive and lure you like a bouquet of freshly cut flowers. Another coaching client I’ll call Renee has given me permission to use her drawing along with quotes. Renee finds this particular shadow very appealing and alluring, hence his name is Allura. Renee found she needed to do battle with this particular ogre. That way she could stop him nipping at her heels. Allura has big brown eyes and is adorable and with a voice to match states, “Why think such positive thoughts?” “Why do you want to think you are capable?” “Stay here with me.” Once my coaching client observed Allura, she quickly realized how destructive he is. When Allura shows up Renee approaches him with statements like, ZIP IT! TAKE A TRIP! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! She has lots of fun crinkling the drawings of Allura and putting them on the grill and laughs to herself as she thinks how she is charring his butt. One Way to liberate myself is to notice how I imprison myself in the here and now.    Rosemarie Manes BASICS OF CONTROLLING ONE’S SHADOWS FIRST: Observe the shadow side of your nature and give it a name, dress a doll, etc. SECOND: Challenge, like a soldier doing battle, but only a few minutes. Don’t allow it to rent space in your head. THIRD: Remember, you are not your thoughts. You can embrace life with meaning and purpose or live in a cocoon. The choice is yours. For more information: www.tamingyourgremlin.com New Horizons Professional Coaching 2847 Winchester Avenue Philadelphia, PA 19136 Phone 215-332-9373 E-mail rmanescoach@msn.com About the author ROSEMARIE MANES, M.A., has devoted her 25-year career helping others live life with greater meaning and purpose. She has done so by working with families, couples and individuals along with working with families in business. She has taught college courses and has given workshops, centering prayer retreats and trainings. She is a member of the International Coaching Federation. She is on two Boards that deal with suicide prevention and survivors of suicide. Also, she has written a book, The Deafening Silence that deals with her father's suicide and the impact it had upon her and her family of origin. In her free time she enjoys attending theatre productions, concerts and movies, and loves taking vigorous walks in nature. She enjoys vacations with her husband and family along with having pop corn sleep-overs in her home with her four grandchildren.